Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
What drink are we having for lunch?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
