There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
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