So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
