I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
