So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
