what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
