Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
