Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
