Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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