the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
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College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
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I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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