If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
