I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Randomize
