I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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