stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
