People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I love you. Go after that dick
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
