Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
