Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
