HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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