I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
