here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
