omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
