maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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