the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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