thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
