I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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