when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Did I show you my penis last night?
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Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
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Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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