I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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