he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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