Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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