dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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