it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
FUCK WHALES
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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