he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
