apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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