Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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