You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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