i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
