i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
