I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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