Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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