I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
