if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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