so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
