This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize