she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Randomize
