Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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