I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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