Need sex. Gaining weight.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
