with your own penis?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
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We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
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btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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