Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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