i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Just invented taco cereal.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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