Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.