i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION