dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
