you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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