I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
wrigley field is MILF paradise
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?