Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
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It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
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If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just want to make out with him forever
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.