her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
this is an emotional support booty call
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.