We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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