just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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