Soap is not a condiment
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
