Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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