How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
