I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
