When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
