i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
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His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
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We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
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