U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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