dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Randomize
