come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
