I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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