i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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