woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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