Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
