remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize