CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
smell my finger.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
