Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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