yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
