Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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