you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
