Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
