my phone needs a breathalizer
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
