sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
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He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
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I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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