I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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