It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just gift wrapped bread.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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